“I intended to go back to drinking after the medications were finished,” Harley told me, “But I was so happy with my life. By then, I had made so much progress that I decided to stay sober.”
Meet Harley from @styledandstressed, a 28-year-old career professional whose resume is as packed full as her closet. She quit drinking on 4/21/21 and has not looked back. Since that day, she has hit some significant milestones. She married her partner and finished grad school. Harley also came out as sober on social media to confirm her stance on living booze-free.
Styled and stressed is a great Instagram handle to describe the anxiety and struggles one faces balancing life/career/ and womaning in a world where booze is the most readily available numbing agent. “Booze used to help me manage my social anxiety,” Harley said. Now, as a sober woman, she finds herself far more confident and bolder than ever.
Style as Self-Care
“I was looking for a form of self-care meant for me,” Harley mused. “I like getting dressed up and dolled up and going places. So, I used style as a form of self-care. It elevates my mood in a way booze never could.”
This statement hit home for me as a #soberfashionista because I was looking for the same thing in my sobriety journey. Self-care. And not in the form of a hot bubble bath or a charcoal face mask. I was looking to be inspired in the form of self-discovery. Creativity is self-care for those of us who thrive on it. It’s not about fitting into today’s hottest trend; it’s about being experimental and finding and expressing yourself.
Wait. Is this article about Harley or me? Many women use the act of “getting dressed” as a statement of all those things: Self-discovery, creativity, self-awareness, experimentation, and self-expression. I think we articulate it a bit differently. @styledandstressed Harley chronicles her professional travels, her social life, and her outfits as she navigates the world stone-cold sober. This takes a certain kind of bravery we don’t teach women at the age of their becoming. We teach them to belly up to the bar. Numb out to fit in.
Fuck FOMO
Harley’s advice was first to give up the booze and then work towards building a sober squad of people to “party” with. It’s such a refreshing concept that the younger generation is embracing. Where did we ever get the idea that we had to drink poison to have a good time? Harley reflected, “In the past, I wasn’t going to brunch unless there were bottomless mimosas” However, she recalled, “I wasn’t exactly being a good friend, partner, or daughter. Now she said, “I recently hosted a bachelorette party sober!”
Why not funnel the excitement, confidence, and risks into your style choices versus your life choices? “Think of all the ridiculous things you did when you were drinking. Harley mused. “I didn’t have a rock bottom per se, but I was headed there.” These days she would rather step out sober and express herself in the form of a bold red lip rather than feign the notion via liquid courage. A fashion statement that is a bit risky still trumps risking one’s well-being. In my opinion, no wardrobe choice can be as dangerous as the choice to get drunk and black out while out on the town.
Sober in the City
Another thought-provoking concept was that Harley utilized “social media as her primary recovery community.” Thanks to online introductions, she now goes to events in Chicago by the Sober in the city movement. “I can’t praise the sober community on social media enough,” she said. I have discovered many alcohol-free events in Chicago, including places to get dressed up and go out for a mocktail.
She follows multiple sober Instagram accounts, and the content keeps her motivated. She recently traveled to Seattle to meet IRL with the founder of the Sober in the City movement. A non-profit organization that connects people with resources, community, and events nearby. (And we aren’t just talking about hiking groups. Dear Gawd.) These are events like pop-up bars, parties, luncheons, and ready-to-wear occasions where someone can see and be seen. (Sober Curator Pro Tip: We promoted and attended one of the Sober in the City events in Seattle earlier this year! Click here to read about it.)
Many people fear being left out of the party when it comes time to ditching the drink. But the younger generation is taking their power back. They are really flaunting that sobriety is stylish and, dare I say, “cool.” There is no more missing out, only joining in. And please dress to impress because there will be photos involved.
No regrets. Just style and sobriety. I can get behind that, regardless of age.
Grace & Glam,
Kate
WALK YOUR TALK: This site section celebrates fashion and its role in our recovery. Getting ready for life can be just as fun, if not more fun, now that we’re sober…because drunk never looks good.