Memory and Nostalgia,
What fragile, bittersweet sensations
that can flood us with dormant emotions
that we thought we had long abandoned.
Rummaging through old things,
I found an innocuous item.
A small string of fairy lights,
A yellowing warm tone when lit.
Small trinkets of the past
hold power and sentiment
that, within one ineluctable moment,
bring us back to what we have lost.
Last summer, these lights were in a mason jar
Lighting up tables at my friend’s wedding,
He was an old manager from work.
I invited a dear friend as my plus one.
A friend who I’ve loved ever since I met him.
A friend who I’ve had a crush on.
A flame has burned and a light lit
That has yet to fully extinguish.
These innocent moments, so small,
So inconsequential,
He took the lights out of the mason jar and handed them to me,
“Here, put them in your pocket.”
He gave me a mischievous, yet endearing smile,
I perceived a glint in his eye,
“Keep something to remember tonight,”
He said warmly.
We walked outside to a garden area,
There was a fountain and the moon was out,
Half full, bright, shining through the trees.
I stood there watching the moon.
He stood next to me for a moment, but
Sat down on a bench to the right of the fountain.
I lingered, taking in the image of the night.
I wanted to paint the memory in the canvas of my mind.
Standing in time and space at peace
I breathed the moment in, held it, and let it go.
The moon, the fountain, the garden, the people,
Him.
Briefly, for a second, I thought he looked at me.
I wanted to confess my feelings for him that night,
But the secret remained, held tightly by the moon.
A year later, the fairy lights still work.
I turn them on, and their light still graces
my face, but now the pain of what never was
reminds me of what never will be.
A year later, the one I wanted
broke my heart without even knowing
A year later the feelings still burn and
remain unrequited, locked away, never shared.
All of this just from a trinket, a brief moment
That forced me to tears of knowing that
he will never love me in the way I love him
At least, this is what I convinced myself.
The feelings remain carefully wrapped,
I’ve left this memory in a box
thinking hope and love would decline.
Somehow, the lights still shine.
SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD! Welcome to the Speak Out Speak Loud section of The Sober Curator, a space echoing Madonna’s call to “Express yourself!” This is where our readers and contributors take center stage, sharing their transformative sobriety journeys. Often, sobriety uncovers hidden talents, abilities, and new avenues of self-expression. By sharing these stories, we not only facilitate personal healing but also offer hope to those still navigating the path of recovery. So, let’s raise our voices, Speak Out, and Speak Loud! In doing so, we combat the silence that often shrouds addiction, offering solace and inspiration. We invite you to share your unique expressions of recovery here—be it through videos, poems, art, essays, opinion pieces, or music. We can’t wait to hear from you! Please email us at thesobercurator@gmail.com or DM us on social!
Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in the Speak Out! Speak Loud! Section are solely the opinions of the contributing author of each individual published article and do not reflect the views of The Sober Curator, their respective affiliates, or the companies with which The Sober Curator is affiliated.
The Speak Out! Speak Loud! Posts are based upon information the contributing author considers reliable. Still, neither The Sober Curator nor its affiliates nor the companies with which such participants are affiliated warrant its completeness or accuracy, and it should not be relied upon as such.
A Disco Ball is Hundreds of Pieces of Broken Glass, Put Together to Make a Magical Ball of Light. You are NOT Broken, Friend. You are a DISCO BALL!
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
